Growing Up

Does it mean that we have to be responsible in our thinking?
Or does it mean that we are given the opportunity to do some responsible thinking? Which is it?

I'm not only talking about parents giving us the opportunity to learn. It applies to boyfriends, girlfriends & friends too.

If we as kids are sheltered too much from our parents, I doubt we'll be learning some learning experiences. Don't tell me that you'll seek refuge at your parent's place whenever there's problems? Life experiences is hard but there's no easy way out. Without it, don't you think that they'll ever call it life experiences.They say, learn from mistakes. But as an individual with the brains given by god, use it. It has to be a reason why its there. Some mistakes are just plain JACKASS stupidity. Others, well, it's unavoidable. Which is why, as an individual, gauge yourself. Know your limits. Set your boundaries. Choose your company wisely. These are the only thing that will mould you to what you are. Coupled with proper guidance from your parents & your teachers, you'll be a great individual.

I have to say that I'm blessed that my parents are very supportive of what I do. And I thank them for loving me when I'm very sick & when I'm fit. And now that I'm older, I feel that my parents have successfully brought me up well. Its funny how they inculcate certain values & morals into me when I was growing up. And somehow, it helped moulded me into what I am today. I do am grateful to have them as my parents. I thank them for allowing me to make mistakes too.

I feel that right now, as an individual, I have to say that things are given to me from a different perspective. Its like photography, where if you shoot from a different angle, you get a different lighting. Its the same as you see things right now. When I look at my life right now, I feel thankful for Darwin for letting me go. Thanks for letting me learn some things which I doubt I would have learnt if it didn't happened. As for Hezwan, well, thanks for being such a gentleman. After loads that had happened to us, you're still talking to me. All these falls into the boyfriends category where mistakes would have to be learnt without any shelter. It helps in making a stronger, wiser, sensitive yet emphathetic individuals.

My friends have also made me what I am today. They say that the friends that you made in your teen years are the ones who'll turn out to be friends for life. And you know why, these are the people whom you've spent most your time with while you were growing up. After all those hours of togetherness resulted to a bond that's like super glue with industrial strength. It definately develop you somehow. Maybe developing a concern for someone, the need to have a sense of belonging, the ability to tackle a rough spot tacfully or the toughest one being breaking them any bad news or advising them on some sensitive issues. Hopefully these can be a guide for upcoming life's expectations.


I've always say that I'm fat & ugly, so that's why there aren't guys going go-go ga-ga over me. I have to say that guys, well, after mixing long enough with them, they are the aesthetic people. Think of sex & you get the picture. What's on the inside is not a major concern. Sometimes, when I'm with my guy friends, they'll endlessly tell me that its unbelievable that I can't get attached for the past 4 years because they say I am chatty, friendly & talk with sense. But when I look at it, its more like they just like my company. That's all.

And right now, when I think about getting attached again, I'm afraid. Afraid that I'll make the same mistakes again. Sometimes you try your best to not repeat the mistakes but it happens, no matter how hard you try to avoid it. I feel that if i'm attached, I'll turn into this horrid witch who's very authocratic. I'm afraid I might be too possesive. I'm afraid that I would not be sensitive towards him. I'm afraid that I might not spent enough time with him. I'm afraid I can't meet him during my busy schedule. I'm afraid that he might not like the real me. The me when I'm sick or in my nonsensical self or pms-ing period. I'm afraid that I might be burdening him.

I don't know, maybe I should give myself a chance, give love a chance. Its still out there...